I had a dream that I was allowed one day to go back in time. Of course, there were rules: it could only be a day during my lifetime and I had to go back as myself (my current age). My decision was made…I wanted to spend a day with myself as a child. I started praying for wisdom and before I could finish, I was back in time.
In my dream, I saw myself as a little girl, picking at the grass, hair pulled back tight (my mom couldn’t stand my hair in my face.) Normally I was shy at this age, but this little girl came right up and asked, “What is your name?” I thought, ‘this is crazy, this little girl is me!’ I told her my name. Twirling around she stopped suddenly and said, “Hey, that’s my name, too!” She jumped up and down a couple of times and that’s how we started our day.
First, we played house for a while. I was the mom and she was the daughter. She had a “ballerina show,” better known as a recital, which I attended. I watched her twirl and jump and gave her a standing ovation. Then we climbed in the “boat” (a.k.a. a large planter). Well, she did anyway. Straddling the planter with my legs hanging over, she told me, “Don’t worry if a shark comes, I’ll hit it with my paddle,” which was actually a whiffle bat.
Next, we played school. I talked her into letting me be the teacher. I told her I had something important for her to learn. She sat on the picnic bench, swinging her legs back and forth, waiting for my lesson. This is it … this was my chance to tell her what she needed to know. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and said a quick prayer.
Here it goes … “Sometimes the people in your life, who are supposed to protect you and keep you safe … well, they don’t. They’re supposed to help you feel special as you grow up, but instead, you grow up hurting. It’s not the kind of hurt when you fall down and scrape your knees; you can see that kind of hurt. This kind is inside … inside your heart. Your heart is not supposed to be full of hurt, shame and fear. OH! WHAT AM I SAYING?” At this point, I got down to her level, looked into her green eyes, and took hold of her little hands.
“Do you know who God is?” Her eyes got bigger.
“Yes, God lives in Heaven. Grandma told me He loves me.”
“YES!” ‘Thank you, Grandma.’
I put my hand on her chest and said, “God can fix … God will fix your heart someday. He’ll get rid of the hurt. He’ll fill your heart with faith, hope, love and courage. God will take away the lies and fill your heart with His truth. You’re not going to remember or understand most of what I’m telling you. What I really want you to remember is what Grandma told you … that God loves you so much! I wish I could make you understand. Do you understand?”
She let go of my hands and tucked my hair behind my ears. Then she placed her little hands on either side of my head at the temples, as it this would stop my tear-filled eyes from overflowing. Then she said, “You just want me to know that everything is going to be okay.”
With a smile and tears still falling, I said, “YES! You understand! And you know what? It’s going to be better than okay! I promise!”
She asked, “Does God fix it when you fall down on your knees?” “Oh, yes!” I told her, “especially when we fall on our knees!” Then she asked, “Do you think I’ll be a ballerina when I grow up?” I told her she was going to write stories. She was going to write stories about all the things God teaches her and help others understand how much God loves them. I laughed when she said, “I don’t want to write stories; I want to be a ballerina.”
Then she said it was time to go inside. She told me she had fun and gave me a big hug. I wanted to keep holding on. I was so thankful for the time I had with her. She ran to the door, looked back and smiled, then went inside. Looking at the door, I was wondering when I’d be “brought back.” All of a sudden it hit me … I forgot to tell her about Jesus!
I ran to the back door and yelled her name. Pounding on the door because she didn’t answer, I yelled, “I have to tell you about Jesus! He’s the One who saves us! Jesus is God’s Son; He’s God in the flesh … Oh, she won’t understand that … Jesus came down to earth to save us from our sins. All we have to do is believe in Him and ask Him into our heart. He loves us so much.”
She didn’t respond. I slid down and sat on the porch with my back to the door. The tears started flowing again.
Slowly the door opened. I looked up and saw the most peaceful face. It was Jesus. He sat down, put His arms around me, and pulled me close. “Daughter, you know that I’ve never let you down and I always keep My promises. Didn’t you just promise your little self that everything is going to be okay; better than okay? Well, I promise that, too …”
Eyes open … it was a dream.
If you could go back, what would you say to you as a child?